Letting Go and Letting God

      We have now entered into the season of Lent, a time to reflect, repent, reconcile, and intentionally renew our relationship with God. Although doing these things may and should be done each day of the year, the period of Lent calls special attention to our own sinful nature and our need for forgiveness and reconciliation with our Father. It is also a time of allowing our burdens to be taken so that we may truly allow ourselves to be transformed into the people that God has made us to be.

 As I enter into this season of Lent, my heart is particularly heavy. I have just ended the discernment process to the diaconate and I am left with many questions as to where I feel God has called me. In my committee meetings I have been able to discern that the ministry I feel called to may not be to that of being a deacon in the church. Although this process has left me at times feeling very peaceful, I have also at other times felt unease and anxiety in now not knowing God's plan for my life. One week after ending the formal discernment process I have felt lost, truly lost. Where does this leave me now in my feeling of being called to something more in the way of ministry? What is my role, my ministry, my identity in this time of uncertainty? I feel lost and I long to be found.

 So it is at this point that I enter into Lent, exhausted at my own futile attempts to see just exactly where God is now leading me and knowing in my heart that I am his beloved and that he has me in the palm of his hand.  I fall, hands lifted, heart weary and aching and ask for forgiveness. I exhale slowly all of "self" and give over  my desire to know how things are going to turn out. I collapse at his feet, broken and he scoops me up and covers me with a blanket of grace while he whispers gently, "I love you.  .  . you are just where I want you to be . . . close to me, right by my side." And so the process of transformation in my heart begins as I let go and let God.

Turning Nine is Awesome and Fine!

Our sweet Emma-Caroline turns nine years old today on March 3rd.

 It has been such a wonderful joy to have Emma-Caroline as a daughter and to watch her as she has grown in to the little person that she is today. Emma-Caroline has always enjoyed puzzles and technology and figuring things out. She has an amazing and brilliant mind that is very much like my dad's in which they are able to analyze the parts and put something together within their mind and then transfer it perfectly into real life.

 Emma-Caroline at age 1 would sleep with puzzles in her crib, at 2 she was showing me how to set up the DVD player and play my camera images on the television, at 5 she was reading on a 5th grade level and taught herself how to write in cursive.

 She is a whiz at any electronic and she also recently taught herself how to knit. I know I sound like some kind of "Bettie-Bragerson" in talking about Emma-Caroline's abilities, but simply stated, I am always amazed at what she is able to do all on her own fruition.

 She is a wonderful and sweet child and I feel so very blessed each day that God has given me as her mother.

We love you sweet Emma-Caroline and we hope your year as a nine year old brings as much joy, adventure and fun to you as you bring to our lives!